Exspecta Inopinata-Extras and more
by hiseask17
Summary: *Is in re-writing process, the new story will be posted separately. Contains the 11 original chapters and eventual DPOVs and outtakes will be posted here* After the caves in Shadow Kiss. Rose/Dimitri sooner or later.
1. Chapter 1

I published the wrong version of this chapter yesterday, but now it's right ;)

**Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy nor its characters, Richelle Mead does. 1**

_He can't be dead, right? We had been so alive just a day ago; a life could not just disappear like that_.

_He cannot be dead. _ _And if he is, what am I supposed to do?_

_Pretend that I am just a little bit sad while my heart is making it hard to do anything but cry?_

They had probably already penetrated me by the way I had acted in the caves…

The caves where his body could be lying cold and empty of blood…

Or he was a strigoi and was planning on attack the academy while we were less guardians and couldn't protect the moroi…

Pictures of Dimitri as a strigoi with red eyes and pale skin made my heart rate slow down, and every time I closed my eyes, I saw a strigoi-Dimitri trying to kidnap Lissa, or even worse, turning me into a living-dead.

Suddenly, when my heart rate had almost died, I felt confusion and relief through the bond. I slipped into Lissa´s head and what I saw caused me a wave of emotions;

Dimitri was lying on a stretcher and was all pale and unconscious but I could see that he still breathed, even though it was just a small move.

Somebody told Lissa that a guardian who was out and inspected the wards had found Dimitri just inside them and had called after help. Dimitri had a big blood loss and a few open wounds on his chest and head.

They didn`t let Lissa heal him though, it was too hard and too much spirit would be wasted.

My heart skipped a beat as I realized that Dimitri was alive, just a few minutes away.

I ran.

When I finally stepped into the infirmary, there was no sight of Dimitri.

I couldn't even find Lissa. But when I slipped into her head, I saw where she was. She was standing outside the door of my dorm room and when I didn`t open, she sent a message through the bond.

_Rose, where are you? They have found Guardian Belikov and he is going to survive._

I hadn't told Lissa about the whole being-in-love-with-my-mentor-who-was-in-love-with- me-too thing, although I felt that she suspected something.

When I entered my room, I was about to get a heart attack. My mother stood there. Lissa had disappeared. She had probably gone to find Christian, and you didn't want to interrupt them when they were at it.

"Rosemarie, we need to talk." My mother said and I wondered why she was here.

"I´m not going to talk about anything before you tell me why you suddenly decided to talk with me."

"Rose…" Mom started. "The reason that I came here is because I thought we needed to talk about your father, and since you was frantic because Guardian Belikov was about to die."

"You want to talk about my father? After 18 years."

"I thought you had the right to know." My mother snapped. "Since I realized that you could die any day I decided not to wait."

"Why haven´t you told me about him earlier?" I was confused. She finally showed me that she had emotions. Else than 'I am going to kill you', 'Shut up before I hurt you' and 'Guardian mask'.

"I didn't tell because I tried to protect you. He is a criminal and it could turn out very bad for you if anyone knew that you were his daughter!" That was not what I thought. I thought he was a jerk that had hurt her, if that was possible. Or maybe that he had died. I did not expect him to be criminal! I wondered how they met. The weirdest pairing ever and I was the outcome.

"Now, we're going to talk about you and Guardian Belikov." I gulped, and hoped that somebody would open the door and save me. Nobody did. And I was left alone with my intimidating mother and her questions.

"What about him?" I asked mom.

"You are involved with him in some way." I couldn't let her know about us, Dimitri would become fired in a flash and my future as Lissa's guardian was gone.

"What do you mean with that?" I tried to look as unknowing as possible but, she didn't buy it.

"Romantically involved. You know that it is illegal." Once again, I tried to express disgust.

"What makes you think that?"

"By the way you acted in the caves, it was pretty hard not to see that you were in love with him. And the way you looked at him before made it obvious." I sighed. Damn Guardians with their observation skills.

"I am still in love with him, I love him!" _Please don't kill anybody!_ Her cheeks flushed and she clenched her fists. She took a deep breath and whispered angrily.  
"Rose, he is seven years older than you, your teacher and you are going to guard Princess Vasilisa together!"

"Don´t you think I know that? I didn´t plan on fall in love, you should understand that."

"Don´t drag me into this, your father wasn´t my teacher, or a person I was supposed to work with, and most important, he wasn´t a dhampir!"

"We tried to ignore it, you know that I would never let anything go before Lissa!"

"We? Does he respond your feelings?"

"Mother, we love each other! He said that he would try to get reassigned to someone else at court. I can´t live without him!" Cliché, but she must understand now. And it is true. If she had felt what I felt when I thought he was gone, she would never have questioned our love_. That_ sounded corny.

"He would do that? Which crazy world is this?", she said while she leaned on the wall for support.

"We _love_ each other, you have to understand that!" I was at the edge of tears now. She had to understand that I couldn´t be without him.

Once again, she took a deep breath, straitened and said;

"Rosemarie, I want to know if he forced you into anything."

"How do you know that we did anything? And if we did, I was certainly not forced."

"According to your tone, you did something. Have you slept with him?" Mom raised an eyebrow.

"What? Why would I tell you that?"

"I am your mother, Rose, have you slept with him?" Damn it! What should I say?

"Once, and it was Lissa´s fault. Or the darkness's. I was furious, Dimitri tried to calm me and we ended up… like that."

"When did that happen?," mom asked and I saw how her jaw clenched.

"Just a few days ago and I'm turning eighteen soon."

"Where is he? He will be aware that he is living!" This wasn't good.

"Mother, please no!" She stopped, but looked like she would start again any minute. I didn't even know why I said it, but, it was effective.

"He is unconscious and injured. You are not going to do anything to him!" Or at least I hoped so…

"Okay, Rose. I am not going to do anything to him, right now, but if he hurts you or makes you upset, I'm going to do things that will make him beg for mercy." Holy crap, she sounded really scary. I hoped she wasn't too serious.

"Okay… Does this mean that you are on our side?" I really hoped so.

"Of course I am, you're my daughter. But it is illegal and I don't want you to do anything stupid." My mother turned and left the room.

When I woke up the next day, I felt quite good. I took a quick shower and went down for breakfast. I saw Lissa and Christian at a table and went to sit with them.

"Good morning.", said Lissa and I knew that she saw something had happened last night.

"You look pissed of, Rosie", Christian said and I answered;

"Blame that on my mother!" I wouldn't tell them about Dimitri, not yet.

"What did she do?" Christian asked. He looked pretty confused. Lissa only smiled, she knew what I was up to. I would have to tell them. But I would have eventually so…

"She came over and said that we needed to talk about Dimitri." Sparky looked even more confused.

"Dimitri? Ah, Belikov. Did he hurt you?"

"No, of course not!", I hissed. Christian looked scared but asked, a little more quiet:

"Are you together? 'Cause that's just gross. He is like ten years older than you and…" Lissa placed her hand over his mouth.

"Christian, he nearly died! You can't say things like that! Rose knows what she is doing." She looked at me questionly.

"Liss, calm down. Yes, Sparky, we're practically together, or at least we're in love." Christian made a disgusted face. Weird since he's all in love himself.

"Don't tell anyone about this, okay? We've decided to keep it secret until graduation."

"Like I have anyone to tell." I ignored him.

"Rose, classes starts tomorrow but there won't be any combat, just so you know," Lissa said, and I felt through the bond that she didn't want us to bicker anymore, so I asked her;

"What are you two going to do all day?"

"Tasha is going to visit and we're spending the day with her." She looked guilty, like she knew what I thought about Tasha nowadays, but when I was going to tell her that everything was okay, Adrian walked in. He saw us and came over.

"Little Dhampir, how are you doing this morning?"

"It is fine," I said and realized that I hadn't seen or talked to Adrian in person since when he was arguing with Christian almost three days ago.

"If you say so, beauty." He walked away and I wondered why he'd asked me that, I didn't look too beaten up, did I?

I finished eating and went to my room.

**Thank you! **


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy nor its characters, Richelle Mead does.**

**I don't know how often I will update, but hopefully at least once a week.**

I had decided to help cleaning up after the battle, mostly because I didn't know what to do.

I went to find some one who would give directions and was sent to clean in the woods.

Dead bodies were going to be dragged to the infirmary backyard and after several hours, I walked past 'the' cabin. I must have blushed, because one of the other novices looked at me and smirked. I assume he must have thought I was thinking about him. After giving him a deadly glare, I went back to work.

About three hours later, when I had showered and didn't smell as bad anymore, I thought I would check on Dimitri. But when I stepped into his room in the infirmary, I saw Tasha sit there on a chair with his bedside.

I turned and was just about to leave when she said;

"Rose, wait. I want to talk to you." It didn't sound good, but since I was _trying _to like her, I stayed.

"Okay," I said and thought: _This is going to be embarrassing as hell._

"You know that I love Dimka, right?" Her question surprised me, who didn't know that?

"Yes, I do." _Where is this going? _My mind seemed to be just as confused as me, and that was always something good.

"And I know that he's in love with you and I'm sure you're in love with him too."

"Yeah, I am." _Now it was said._ It made me feel like I was the bride on a wedding, all these 'I do':s.

"I just want to tell you that you should take care of him and your love." She looked at the unconscious Dimitri. "He will do anything for you. That is just how he is." I saw love in her eyes and, as curious as I am, couldn't resist the urge to ask.

"You are not mad at him for being in love with his student?" Tasha smiled, but anger flashed in her eyes. I felt surprisingly intimidated.

"No, I know that he is always doing the right things. He could never do anything wrong." That was just how I felt, but now when I saw her sadness, I felt guilty for taking him away from her and I said;

"He loves you too, as a sister, but still, and if I hadn't been in your way, it would have turned into real love." Hopefully, it wouldn't, but, since I _tried_ to like her, I lied. You can't suffer for something you don't know.

"Don't take the guilt, Rose. I am happy for him. You are a beautiful and strong woman and you make him feel happy in a way I never could." _Yeah, right, you're happy for him! _Her lie was so obvious and, since your eyes are the 'mirror into your soul', I saw how bitter she was.

"Thank you, I should go now." I suddenly felt even more uncomfortable than I was when she started talking. There was something cold and eerie in the atmosphere in the room.

"No. I was going to leave anyway so… I see you, Rose." She stood up and hurried out of the room, but not without placing a hand on my shoulder. I mentally shuddered, but smiled. She didn't return it. At least her eyes didn't. She had plastered a fake smile on her features that made her seem even more intimidating.

When she'd left, I looked at the sleeping Dimitri and smiled, at least he was as he used to. I made my way back to my dorm, thinking about what my mother said yesterday.

_Which crazy world is this? _ Well, that was something we all would wonder in the rest of our lives.

The following days passed in a blur, and, boom, it was my birthday.

Lissa thought, since it was my eighteenth, I would be excited and overjoyed. Sure, I was, but it was mix of happiness since I, finally, was of age, and a little bit sadness since I thought Dimitri would be awake and celebrate with me. I was extremely glad that he was alive though, and I didn't want more.

Lissa 'persuaded' Kirova that Eddie and I could change charges just for one night, since we still was on field experience, and we had a girl-sleepover. We stayed up until _way_ after midnight and talked about everything and it was just like old days. She was a little upset since I hadn't told her about Dimitri earlier, but she understood when I said I had my reasons.

She asked me about him, and after a while, she came with the infamous question:

"Have you two, you know…?"

"Well…Yes."

"Was it your first time?"

"Of course, you think I slept with Jesse?" I shuddered, who would want that?

"No, but Mason…Or that guy, Brian." Brian had been a guy who I'd dated a while in Portland. And Mason. We hadn't talked about Mason. I knew she wanted to know a little bit more so I told her the truth.

"Mason and I, we never… We kissed a few times and we were about to have sex, but I couldn't. I thought of Dimitri and I felt so bad for Mason, I tricked him. I used him to make Dimitri jealous… I miss him."

"I am sorry; I thought you really felt for him."

"I did, but not in that way. At least not the way he wanted me to." We were silent a for a few minutes until Lissa asked;

"Soo, was he any good?"

"Who? Dimitri?" I am glad my mother didn't ask me about that, it would have been really embarrassing.

"Yes, is he a good kisser?"

"You could say so, but he's amazing." We giggled. It felt so normal, having a sleepover and talking about boys (men, or in this case, a Russian man) with my best friend.

We continued our gossiping and feel asleep.

**Not the best I have written, but it is important for the plot. **

**THANK YOU! **


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy nor its characters, Richelle Mead does.**

When I stepped into Dimitri's room the next day, I sat down on the chair beside the bed and started reading my homework.

I looked up after about half an hour and I saw him watching me. He was awake!

"Hi." He smiled a little bit.

"Hi… Shouldn't you be in class?" His voice was hoarse and it looked like it pained him to speak.

"No, it is Sunday. No class, you know. You've been out for a week, if you wonder." He flinched, but put on his guardian mask very fast. I figured he must have gotten flashbacks from the caves and grabbed his hand, to comfort him at least a little bit. He looked at me and took a deep breath.

"Did you leave without any wounds?" What kind of question was that? Of course I was wounded; I thought I would never see his face again.

I must have shown my confusion, because he quickly added:  
"Physical wounds. I know it is hard to fight the mental images you get after…things like this."

"No, I didn't get hurt any worse than a few scrapes. I am okay, now." I gave him a small smile and he pressed my hand. I knew he understood what I meant; he knew how it was to believe your loved one was dead.

Dimitri tucked a few strands of my hair behind my ear, and let his hand stay on my cheek.

"I am sorry, Roza."

That 'Roza' made it. I started crying. The tears rolled down my cheeks with a terrifying speed.

"You have nothing to be sorry about." I sobbed. I was met with silence.

Dimitri tried to lean in, but didn't succeed, so I hugged him, hard. I threw my arms around his neck and buried my face in his chest. He stiffened but relaxed and I realized I must have touched one of his wounds. I loosened my grip a little bit, but he pressed me harder up against his body.

He didn't say anything; we both knew that words weren't needed and that it probably would make me cry even more. The silence was comforting. He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head.

After a _very_ long time of crying, it ended and I let go of him.

I looked up and noticed tears in his eyes. I didn't know what to do, so I put my hands on his cheeks and kissed him.

He stiffened again, and I was just about to let go, when he responded intensely. His hands made their way around my waist and I tangled my hands in his hair. The kiss increased in speed and our tongues met. His fingers found the hem of my shirt and crept in under it. The touch made me shiver and I leaned in to be closer to him. The bed was, unfortunately, in our way and when I was about to lie down beside him, he broke the kiss.

"You know we can't do this, yet. We must stay low until graduation."

"I know, but I didn't know what to do. Besides, you kissed me back. Anyways, just the thought of losing you is making me so sad and I honestly don't think I'd be able to live without you."

"You won't need to; I will stay alive, as long as I have something to fight for." He stroked my cheek. "I love you, Roza."

"I love you too." We stayed silent for a couple of minutes until I asked:

"Do you remember anything? From the caves." He seemed to think about it for a few moments, but answered:

"I remember the look on your face when they dragged you away, I didn't see very much but I heard you. You shouldn't have tried to reach me; you must stay alive for Vasilisa's sake. She would be in so much pain if you died. I know why you did it, and I understand, but you must put Vasilisa first." He let this sink in and I tried to speak but he stopped me. "I remember the feeling when the strigoi bit me, it hurt, but afterwards, it was heaven." He stopped and cleared his throat." They decided to turn me, but they didn't have time. They didn't want to stay in the caves while there were so many guardians near. Some of them carried me, but after a while, they dropped me and left. I tried to stand but it didn't work. I didn't know where I was, but I had the feeling the wards were near. I crawled as long as I managed and passed out. I woke up yesterday night and talked with a nurse who brought . She told me about my injuries and I fell asleep again. When I woke up this time, you were sitting here."

"I know I must stay alive for Lissa, but I was so in the moment that all I could think about was how to save you." He still had one arm around my waist and he used it to hold me close.

"I know, Rose." He murmured in my hair. I turned my head and saw the small, barely visible, scar of a bite mark on his neck. I reached up and stroked it gently.

He stiffened.

"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that. I-" He kissed me again. Only a few seconds, but _he_ kissed me.

"I know, but I would have done the same. Comfort comes in small actions. Congratulations, by the way." He smiled. "I think you should continue reading your homework." I had totally forgotten about that. But I now remembered that it had deadline on Tuesday.

"You're right. Do you want to help?"

**Short, but I think it's good. The next will come in a week, hopefully, and I promise there will be more action soon :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy or its characters, Richelle Mead does.**

**I would like to thank all the people who read/review/follow/favourite this story, it means so much!**

Weeks passed, Dimitri came out of the infirmary, we started training again, I got my marks after the battle, field experience finished and I got a quite high grade.

None of the persons who'd seen my reaction in the caves were suspicious of our relationship and I hadn't given in to the sexual tension in our sessions yet. I would say it was pretty good, but, many of the people who'd died had been buried and many relatives had come to mourn them. It was very eerie for a few weeks and Tasha still hadn't left. I knew I shouldn't want her gone, but since she still was after Dimitri, I was jealous. Why is still a mystery, because Dimitri certainly didn't search physical contact with her often.

At any rate, as graduation grew closer, more homework was given. I barely had time for anything except training and eating after class, which sucked since Lissa wanted to spend time with me. I'll admit I broke out of my room a few times, but I was mostly so tired that I just wanted to sleep.

Practice was almost never in private, since many novices wanted to train more, and Dimitri had kind of closed himself and was so controlled it nearly seemed as he'd forgotten me. But I saw the looks he gave me when I'd fix my hair or stretch sometimes, and didn't worry.

This particular day, we were out in the woods for biology class. Lissa and I had purposely dropped of a little bit behind the others and we were talking about something Christian had said, or done, whatever. It was on our way back to the school building and the teacher was not seeing _anything,_ because he was talking with some moroi girl about flowers.

I noticed my shoe ties had opened and bended down to tie them. Lissa wanted to stay with me, but I said I would catch up with her later. It was the last class of the day and since it was Friday, I didn't have much homework. At least not as much as I normally would. _Hell, these ties are slippery. Oh, not again!_

When I had _finally_ tied them and rose, I couldn't see anyone. I started walking, and after a few metres, I walked into a branch. It had hit me right in the forehead and it was big. I was out cold and landed in the mud.

When I woke up, I had a terrible headache and I was hungry, it didn't help that I was in a cold room. Not the infirmary room I was used to wake up in after my accidents. It was dark, and I was lying on a hard bed. The room didn't hold much furniture except for the bed, a couple of chairs and a table. On the opposite wall, there was a door with a small chink of light under. No windows or decorations on the walls, just plain wallpaper. There was a lamp hanging in the ceiling, but I couldn't see the switch. I assumed it was outside.

I laid there for a while, wondering how I'd gotten there. I knew I'd blacked out in the forest, but that could have been ages ago. I wondered why the guardians who'd joined the class didn't find me. Someone must have taken me somewhere else quite quickly while I was out. I was certainly not at the academy anymore that was one thing for sure. It couldn't have been strigoi, since I was inside the wards, and if they were broken, I was sure the teacher would have been more focused. It must have been a moroi, or a dhampir, the question was who. Suppose they were looking for me, who'd want me kidnapped? Victor, of course, but he was in Tarasov and I don't think they let him have any contact with someone outside.

Maybe humans who worked for the strigoi who'd attacked the academy, but why would they want me? The blond strigoi who'd wanted to kill Lissa and turn Dimitri might have something to do with it.

Perhaps it was Tasha, but that was unlikely. I mean, she wasn't _ that _obsessed with Dimitri and she was nice, she wouldn't kidnap me. Both Victor and the strigoi wanted me gone because of Lissa. I was in their way, and maybe they'd decided to co-operate. But since they wanted different things with Lissa, it wasn't likely either. That left me with nothing.

I sat up and walked over to the door to see if it was unlocked. It wasn't. I went back to the bed and lay down. I'd laid there for a while, and had started thinking about how to escape, when I heard footsteps on the other side of the door. I rose from the bed and positioned myself I fighting stance. The bastard who'd kidnapped me wouldn't have it easy.

The door opened and a man walked in. He was not strigoi and was built as a dhampir. He smiled when he saw my aggressive position.

"So… This is Rose Hathaway, nice to meet you, I'm Ethan." He lifted his hand as if wanting me to shake it. I didn't, instead I glared at him. He chuckled and sat down on a chair.

"You wonder why you're here, and where you are, of course. I will tell you a little bit. You are somewhere none of your friends will find you. None of your lovers either. They won't expect you to be here, and they have no clue how to find you." He smirked and continued. "As for why you're here. Well, let's just say everyone isn't happy with what you've accomplished. They want you to pay." I lifted my eyebrows. This Ethan guy was sure of himself. I hadn't seen any _molnija_ marks, not the promise mark either, but he seemed to be a big part muscles, and was surely older than me.

Suddenly he rose and threw a punch at my shoulder. I ducked and kicked him in the knee. He seemed surprised for a moment, but kicked me hard in the stomach. I gasped for air and he used my weakness to grab a hold of me. I shrugged out of his hands and kneed him in the groin. His face hardened and he punched me right in the face. It hurt a lot, but I punched back with the same force. He grabbed a hold of my hair and I damned myself for not thinking of a hair band.

"Rose, I think we'll have to tie you. We can't have dangerous women like you walking around free." With that, he pushed me hard onto the floor and left the room. I'd hit my head in the table leg and was still dizzy when he returned with a rope and tied me to one of the chairs.

"Who are we?" I spat out. He looked at me.

"You expect me to tell you that? Well, it's me and these two." He held up his fists. And punched me again. "We will enjoy this; we think you deserve this punishment." Another hit in the stomach. Since both my feet and hands were tied, I couldn't do anything but take the hits. And curse at him.

"You idiot! What have I done to you that make you want me hurt? You can't even tell me what I've done! That's fucking cowardly!" He just smirked and threw a fist at my nose. It broke and started bleeding. I spat to get the blood out of my mouth, while he fetched a knife that he'd placed on the table while I didn't see. _Damn it! I can't even see what he's doing, what a guardian I am._

He rolled up my sleeve and put the cold blade on my skin. My breath hitched up, but I tried to stay calm, knowing struggle would hurt me more in the end.

"You don't want me to hurt your pretty skin, do you? Your lovers might not want you anymore, and we wouldn't want that." He moved the knife to my cheek. "It would be worse with your face, don't you think? That would surely keep all the boys away. The girls too, for that matter." He pressed harder. "Nobody would be able to look you in the eye with a huge scar on your face. They wouldn't take you serious. That would be a shame, since you have _so _much to say." He pressed even harder and soon the blade would puncture the skin. "But since we're nice today, we will be satisfied with the arm." He made a small cut on the upside of my arm. Blood started pouring out and I held in the tears. He made another cut beside the first, and another. He kept going until he'd made at least twenty. Then he laughed and left the room.

The smell of blood filled the room and I cursed. I wondered why he hadn't cut my wrists, since I would bleed more. I figured he didn't want me to die, yet. He only wanted to disfigure me for the rest of my life. These cuts would heal soon, but I had a feeling he wasn't done. At least I wouldn't black out of blood loss. But the hunger I felt was growing more annoying. I must have been out for a while.

I tried to stay awake, but my eyes were narrowing more and more for each minute. After about an hour, I went to sleep.

**Hmm… Who has kidnapped her? Any guesses?**

**Again, THANK YOU!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy nor its characters, Richelle Mead does.**

My neck hurt. And so did my back. Practically everything hurt.

Interesting thoughts while you are captured by a person you don't know, isn't it?

I wondered if I would get food soon, or if he would give me any food at all. I was hungry and my throat ached for some water. Did he even know that you needed water to survive? Probably not. He seemed to be kind of stupid. These muscles mountains with no brain at all. Even though he knew how to avoid the most blood filled artery. Maybe he got instructions from someone else. That seemed realistic. Good work, Rose.

It was still dark in the room and it was even colder. My shirt was too thin for this, and it was bloody at places, especially at the front. I wondered what he'd meant with nobody would find me since they didn't expect me to be here and had no clue how to find me. Did he put me into a ship? Or an airplane? Was I still in the US? They certainly wouldn't find me if I was on the other side of earth. I would have to get out of this myself. Not that I hadn't planned it already, but I had kind of wished that my Russian God would storm in to release me. But since I didn't know how long I'd been out for, it wasn't realistic to think.

I was pretty dizzy at that moment, but I knew I wouldn't get out in the state I was currently. I needed food and water. But could I trust the food he gave me? I mean, perhaps he had poisoned it. I would have to take the risk. If he gave me any food, of course.

The door opened again and I noticed that it wasn't locked. The muscle mountain stepped inside and shut it behind him.

"Good morning, Rose. Have you slept well?" The glare I gave him was obviously answering enough. "Do you want to continue where we were last night or do you want to talk? You might be so regretful that I mercy you." He smirked. "But I highly doubt that. You've been so active in doing bad things these past months that you'll have to make up for it." Another smirk while he put his hand into his pocket and took up the knife. It was still bloody and I almost got sick. If he used that to cut me, I would get blood-poisoning in a flash. Or at least the cuts would be infected and that would hurt, a lot.

"What have I done to be punished? You still haven't told me."

"Dear Rosemarie, I won't tell you. It is something you'll have to figure yourself." And with that, he put the knife on my cheek, again. Only this time, the blade broke the skin and I cried out in pain. He moved it upwards, still with the blade under my skin. The pain was almost unbearable.

"This scar will represent stupidity. You will remember not to do things that displease other and to think of what you are doing." He turned the blade and moved it downwards. I felt the blood pour down onto my chin and neck, to continue its way down my chest and stomach. I breathed in with my mouth only to realize that it was indeed stupid.

I spat blood for the second time in I don't know how long, presumably two or three days, and it hurt like hell.

"Oh, Rose. I didn't think you were so stupid. Most people know that it is rather idiotic to breathe while having blood, or other liquid, over your mouth." The knife still hadn't moved from my skin and now he started moving it again. The blade was not deep, but deep enough to feel like it would break through the cheek any minute. It felt like my cheek was on fire. It hurt so freaking much. He moved it again. And he continued to do that for another three minutes, as if he was writing or drawing.

Suddenly, he removed it completely and cut into my collarbone. I gasped and tears started pooling in my eyes. The blade touched the skeleton and it made my toes curl in distaste. The pain was once again _almost_ unbearable.

"Why do you do this? The cowards you work for couldn't even come here themselves, huh? They let you torture young innocent girls only to let you take the blame afterwards. Don't you see that idiot?" He looked up and got a murderous look on his face.

"Don't ever talk about my…employer like that again! You understand, bitch?" His fist connected with my sore nose and then again with my cut cheek. This time, I couldn't stand it, I screamed in pain.

He kept kicking and punching me until I was curled up on the chair as much as I could. He continued until the chair fell and I hit my head. Then he just gave me a _hard_ punch at the side of my skull and left.

The punch had been hard enough to make me dizzy, and together with the blood loss, it made me black out.

"_He can't hold her much longer. What are we going to do?"_

"_I don't know. Should we be harder on her? This is kind of fun actually."_

"_What is worse than what we've planned? We can't kill her. Maybe… No. Do you have any ideas?"_

"_Not that I want to try. But-"_

"_Tell me. It must be better than nothing."_

"_Well, I kind of thought about …, but I don't-"_

"_That's it! You'll have to…"_

"_I can't do that. I would be cheating on you."_

"_Since I want you to do it, it wouldn't be cheating. Satisfying my desires, that's what it is."_

"_But still… I would feel bad."_

"_I can't do, if that's what you are implying. We don't have anyone else either. Please, honey. You want to help me, right? I can't show myself, you know that."_

"_I know but I don't want to. She's innocent and maybe I will…. That would be so gross."_

"_First of all, she is not innocent. Second, she's such a slut that I don't think you'll even… You need to do this for me, please?"_

"_Okay, but don't be mad at me later. I feel so bad."_

"_You know what? You won't have to do it. Will that make you feel less bad, honey?"_

"_You are such a genius! I love y-"_

"_You can't say my name, idiot! Sorry, love. I love you too."_

I woke up, and noticed that the Ethan guy was sitting on a chair on the other side of the room. My whole body ached after yesterday, or whatever time it was. I also noticed that my hair was much shorter than last time. It was cut off till the skull. He had cut it. He'd probably done it with the same knife as all the other things.

"So, Sleeping Beauty's awake. Are you satisfied with your new haircut? I thought you wouldn't need it anymore. Since you won't have anyone to show it of for. Oh. You're not? Well then, do you want to know what's on the agenda today?" I glared at him. "Obviously not. But I will tell you anyway. First of all; no breakfast. Then we will continue with some more fun on my part. Doesn't that sound just lovely?" Another glare. "You aren't so talkative today, Rose. But I think it's best if stays that way." To keep him unsatisfied, I started humming on an annoying song from the eighties.

That's when the kick came. Right in the ribs. It hurt like a bitch, but I kept humming. He punched me in the forehead, but I kept humming. He punched the collarbone he'd cut last time, but I kept humming.

When he kicked my breast, I started singing. He managed to kick me in the groin, but I only stopped for a few moments to gasp.

He kept punching, I kept singing.

Until he threw a punch right in my jaw and I nearly bit my tongue off. And the chair, which was still lying down, was not comfortable. Since he'd now untied me, I had slid down onto the floor. He kicked me in the stomach and I doubled. He kneeled beside me and started ripping my clothes off. I realized what he was going to do.

"No, stop, please! Stop!"

"You little slut. You deserve this. Don't think I will enjoy it, but the sight of you being in pain will be _so_… beautiful." I was now nearly naked, only my panties were left. He hooked his fingers into the hem and pulled. I closed my eyes and waited. I wanted to fight, but I was too weak. I felt useless. I didn't even have the strength to keep my legs shut when he spread them open. I panicked. It was too much. I wasn't weak. I was Rose Hathaway for fuck's sake. No bastard would rape me.

When I heard him fumble with his belt, I collected all my strength and prepared for a kick. I heard him kneel and I shot out my leg. It hurt, but the worst part was that he cached the leg and whispered;  
"Sweet dreams."

Then he knocked my head against the stone floor and everything went black.

**THANK YOU! Please don't kill me for torturing her like this :( I **_**didn't**_** like it.**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer: I don't own Vampire Academy or its characters, Richelle Mead does.**

**Thanks to more than 750 views, it is amazing! I love you!**

That noise, it was so annoying. It was like those beep sounds you hear in drama series when someone is at the hospital. I considered it being an alarm clock, but that was not likely. The Ethan guy wouldn't have given me a clock, right? The bed was also _too_ comfortable. He must have placed me in another room. Or maybe I was in heaven. If it existed. I felt clean, as if someone had bathed me. It looked like it was light outside my closed ey-

_Why didn't I open my eyes?_

I opened them quickly and got blinded by the lamp in the room. When my eyes had accustomed to the light, I saw were I was.

It was the clinic room I always seemed to get at St. Vladimir's_. It must be a spirit dream; Adrian must be_ _outside the door. _

I threw that idea away when I realized that he wasn't there. That itself took about ten minutes. I was at St. Vladimir's. Someone must have rescued me. Or the Ethan guy had dumped me here.

I now realized that my wounds didn't hurt. Hell, the wounds had disappeared. And my hair was long! I must have been there for a while if my hair had grown out to its usual length. More than a year, but then I wouldn't be at St. Vlad's, right? Maybe they'd kept me to let me finish my education when I woke up. But for I how long had I been at the Ethan guy? Hopefully not more than a week or two. What had happened to keep me unconscious for a year? He'd raped me. The realization hit me. But I couldn't have been out for a year because of that, it must have been something else.

I laid wondering for about two hours, according to the clock, until someone opened the door.

It was Dr. Olendzki, and her face lit up when she I was awake.

"Good afternoon, Rose. Nice to see you awake." She started doing doctor things and I asked;

"How long was I out for? It must be a year, more. Is Lissa okay? Did she go to Lehigh? You don't know that, of course, sorry-"

"Slow down. You have not been unconscious for a year. Only two weeks and Vasilisa is more than great. She's worried of you of course, but now when you're awake she'll be totally fine. The depressions are not worse, I assume the anti-depressants works. Why would you think you were unconscious for that long?"

"My hair. It was cut off and now it is as usual. It couldn't have grown that fast. Did she heal me? Did Adrian do it?" I felt like I was annoying with all those questions, but Olendzki only smiled.

"Your hair was like it used to be when you came in, well brought, but it seemed normal. Lord Ivashkov has actually only been here once for all I know, but it was just a few minutes."

"Brought in? Did someone carry me?"

"Yes, your teacher was alarmed by Vasilisa that you hadn't returned and he got a guardian to look after you, I think. According to him, you were unconscious on the ground in the forest."

"But I was kidnapped and tortured. All that time, was that just a dream?"

"Actually, it was. Please, let me continue. Vasilisa and Lord Ivashkov realized you were held in a spirit dream and by your heart monitor, it wasn't a good one."

"No. As I said, I was tortured." _And raped. _"I wouldn't call that a good dream." I started thinking about the dream. The Ethan guy had obviously been a dhampir; he couldn't have been the one to control it. Was it possible to keep another mind in the dream while 'sleep walking' with someone? I didn't know, but it was the only thing possible. Did I know any spirit users that would want me dead? No. At least I thought so. It must be someone unknown.

"About your injuries, Rose. I found another-" I zoomed out. Maybe the Ethan guy was in the forest, beat me up there, and then put me into a dream only to increase my suffering. He must have hit me with the branch, only to get me sleeping and to make me think I was kidnapped. But who'd let him in? Of course they didn't know he was a psycho, but there was strict control on the gates. Only relatives and royalties were considered not dangerous now after the attack. And moreover, they were thoroughly examined. He must have an accomplice on the inside.

"Rose? Are you listening? This is very serious stuff. You can't just let go of your responsibilities."

"Wait, what are you talking about? Responsibilities? Did I hurt someone?"

"That depends on how you see it, the boy who's the father will not be accepted into greater social status after this."

"Father? What? Have I kidnapped a kid?" The hell was she talking about?

"Don't play stupid. You know that you are pregnant. There's no need to play innocent-"

"Pregnant?! Hell no! That isn't possible. Stop it. This is just a sick joke, right? It can't be true." She gave a strange look and I realized that she was dead serious.

"It is not a joke. You are pregnant, whether you want it or not. I was just waiting for you to wake up until I told Headmistress."

"But _how_ did you find out? Is it visible?"

"I thought you knew that I always take a blood test on my patients. I found interesting information in yours and made an ultrasound. You are about two months pregnant with a healthy child." _How did I not notice this_? I had missed my period two times without even having a second thought. What was I going to tell Dimitri? This would ruin my career! His also, since it would be obvious to everybody with a sense of math that he'd gotten his student pregnant, when she was still in school and it wasn't even supposed to be possible. _Fucking shit in hell!_

_Calm down. Take it easy, ask her something. The first you think of._

"So the…baby is okay?"

"Yes. It is. But you need to keep the father a secret until after graduation, you can only tell me and Guardian Petrov. Probably Headmistress too. Please tell me it was a mistake, he didn't rape you did he?" The word 'rape' stung. But now when I knew it was a dream, I felt a little bit better. I would have to tell Dr. Olendzki about me and Dimitri. She might be able to help us find out why I was pregnant. But I wanted to talk to Dimitri first. Maybe it was best not to tell him. I could disappear, give birth to the baby, and then return to become Lissa's guardian. I would have to give the baby away, but I didn't feel like it was such a big deal. I was eighteen; I probably couldn't take care of it anyway. And having a baby to take care of while being a guardian was not good. I could die any day and the baby would be considered as a whore child.

On the other hand, I knew Dimitri wanted to have children. Well, I didn't know, but he seemed great with children and I saw how he looked when he mentioned his niece and nephew. I felt bad for taking that ability away from him when he was with me, he deserved it. Although now wasn't the best time, it would be great in ten years or so.

But I wouldn't be able to graduate properly this spring either of the ways which was unfortunate. I would be stuck here with a baby, while my friends were enjoying their time in college or at court. Dimitri would probably want to stay, but if I couldn't protect Lissa, he was the only one I trusted enough to do it instead.

Maybe it was best to run away for a few weeks to make an abort. But it was a living creature that grew inside me, I realized that now. I couldn't kill it. I didn't have the heart to kill something -someone- that was made out of love.

The right thing would be to tell Dimitri, but what if he thought I'd cheated on him. I hadn't thought about that. He would think it was Adrian's. Oh god, why? I didn't think I could stand it if he didn't believe me. If I talked to Dr. Olendzki to get a few arguments and reasons why it was possible, then maybe I could convince him. We could have Olendzki in the room while talking, if I missed something important. Even thought that could be embarrassing. I would have to talk to her first, if she hadn't left by now. I'd been thinking for at least five minutes now and she must have other patients to go to.

She hadn't left. She'd been talking with me I realized.

"What did you say? I was lost in thoughts."

"I wondered how you would do with graduation. He didn't rape you?"

"No, he didn't! I don't know how to do. I've known this for about five minutes, and you expect me to know how to plan the rest of my life as a teenage mother." I was becoming annoyed, even though I knew she just wanted to help. "Sorry, I'm just overwhelmed. Could I use the bathroom?"

"Of course. I will give you your clothes."

"I have clothes here?"

"Yes. Vasilisa put them here to 'be on the safe side', as she put it."

"Oh. Thanks." I waited until she'd left and got into the small bathroom. I started the shower and looked at myself in the mirror.

I had bags under my eyes and seemed paler than usual. My hair was tangled and dull. I stripped my clothes off and saw that I had thinned. Only a little bit, but still. There were no scars on my body. It looked like it used to. I looked at my stomach. It was not clearly visible, but there was a tiny bump. I placed my hand on it and stroked it gently.

The shower was warm and it felt wonderful to just stand there. I don't know how long I stood there, but after a while, I washed my body and hair and got out. I put my clothes on and got back to the bed. I was still tired and it was nice to snuggle under the covers, knowing that I didn't have to face the music yet.

I had almost dozed off when a nurse came in with a tray with some food. I thanked her and started eating. It was amazing to eat, even though it was 'easy' food since my body couldn't take more. When I'd finished and nearly dozed off again, Dr. Olendzki returned. She sat down beside me and cleared her throat.

"I figured that you wanted to talk some more."

"Yes. I-" I didn't now how to tell her. Should I start from the beginning or just take the most important parts. I took a deep breath. "I want to tell you who the father is. Please don't interrupt me. It will sound crazy and desperate, but it is the truth." Another breath. "I have been involved with a guy for a while, and at first, we denied our feelings. A night about two months ago, we gave in and I obviously became pregnant. We didn't use protection because it isn't supposed to be possible fro two dhampirs to reproduce." Dr. Olendzki's eyes widened, but it didn't look like disgust or horror. It looked more like surprise or shock. "I don't know how to do, because either way, I will hurt someone. If I keep it, I will ruin both of our reputations. And if I give it away, I will hurt him so bad. I don't want to do that to Dimitri, I love him so much. I-" _Shit. _I'd slipped before I intended to. She gasped and I looked down, embarrassed.

"Dimitri…Isn't that Guardian Belikov? But how is that possible?"

"I don't know! This always happens to me. I will end up as an experiment rat somewhere." I started crying. "The miracle survivor. Now also called as the miracle whore." I sobbed.

"Don't you think your shadowkissed abilities have something to do with this? I could take a few tests to see if any of your genes have changed." Olendzki thought faster than I thought.

"That would be so kind of you." She started exiting the room. "You won't tell anyone yet, right? I would like to speak to Dimitri first, you know."

"I don't think Headmistress would appreciate me telling her at this hour, and Guardian Petrov is probably having a shift right now."

"Is it morning our night?" I hadn't realized how late it was, even though I'd seen the clock.

"It is late night. Guardian Belikov is probably coming soon. He usually comes to check on you at this hour, I think his shift finishes." With that, she left the room.

She returned after a few minutes to take a test and she said she would have the results in an hour or two.

"You should go to bed; I don't want you to waste your sleep because of me."

"This is a very interesting case, and it is my shift anyways." She left again, and I started waiting.

I was both excited and nervous. I mean, it isn't every day you get to tell your boyfriend that you are pregnant with a miracle baby. Could I even call him my boyfriend? We hadn't dated or anything, but it felt like it was so much more. Which it, of course, was. It had been like six months since we kissed for the first time, even though it was forced. We had kissed several times since then, but he'd always been the responsible one and stopped. Except for the time when we conceived this baby, but it was the darkness's fault. Why did all our first times always seem to be created by a power we couldn't control?

**I know it is mainstream and I know most of the stories have Rose being shadowkissed as the reason she could become pregnant, and that in many of them, the genes or Lissa's healing play the biggest part. Since I thought it was the most realistic reason, I used it. I don't know who first used that idea, but I am thankful to her/him, because I would never have come up with it on my own.**

**If I am copying someone else's plot, please tell me.**

**Read the next chapters and make your decision. I promise you this won't be as fluffy as the others.**

**THANK YOU, I really appreciate if you continue reading even after this chapter, it means so much! :D**

**Reviews are highly appreciated, since they make my day and help me in my writing. They also mean much ;)**


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy or its characters, Richelle Mead does.**

**Thank you for reading! And thanks to **_**Sammy**_**, your review warmed me. We have almost reached a thousand views and that's so amazing! I want to thank everyone that have read and favourited and followed :D**

**There are some T+ rated things at the end, to warn you.**

I had apparently dozed of while thinking, because I woke up when I heard a confused noise from the doorway. The person who'd made it came closer to the bed and spoke.

"Rose?" _No. It's Santa Claus, Dimitri_. Just seeing him again after all this almost made me cry. He was so beautiful. Those eyes, they made me want to jump him on an instant.

"Hey, Comrade. Nice to see you. It's been a while." I smiled and he returned it while sitting down beside me.

"Are you alright? I was worried about you, Rose. And when you were captured in a spirit dream and I couldn't do a thing, I felt useless. Have you gotten anything to eat? I could get something…"

"Take it easy, I'm fine. I ate an hour ago." He reached out and stroked my hair.

"I am so happy you're awake. It was terrible seeing you just lying there. You are always in motion and when you weren't, it was…weird." He had bags under his eyes, and I wondered if it was because he'd worked too much, or if it was because he'd been so worried. I needed to tell him, it was better to do it now.

"There's something I have to tell you." I shifted on the bed. He looked at me confused. "You remember what we did in Tasha's cabin, right? It feels kind of weird to call it Tasha's, after these circumstances." He smiled, but the confusion was still there.

"Of course I do. It was the best night of my life." He stroked my cheek and let his thumb brush over my lips. His eyes were filled with love and I dreaded to tell him. What if he didn't believe me? I looked him in the eye and took a deep breath.

"It had its consequences." His face showed confusion again, but he didn't interrupt me. "I am pregnant. Please trust me, it's yours." He let his hand fall and asked:

"How? Don't expect me to believe you if you don't have proof." His voice was not as soft as before, but it wasn't hard either. I hurried to continue.

" thinks my genes have changed since Lissa healed me. She took a test and will come back with the results soon."

"How do I know that it isn't Ivashkov's or another player's? You could have done whatever you wanted while I was unconscious." He looked hurt, but I didn't know how to show him that I would never cheat on him.

"You could have done the same. But I trust you. I trust you to trust me when I say it's yours. I am two months pregnant and you know yourself that I couldn't have done it before. I haven't done it with anyone except for you, I love you."

"I know, Rose. I love you too. But it's impossible, it's hard to believe something you have learned to think is impossible." His eyes had gone soft again and he looked at my stomach. "You haven't felt anything?"

"No, I didn't even know it until a few hours ago. I can't believe I didn't notice I'd missed my period two times." He looked rather uncomfortable when I mentioned my period, but he smiled and cleared his throat.

Just when he was about to speak, there was a knock on the door. stepped in and smiled when she saw Dimitri.

"Guardian Belikov, I see you two are in the middle of talking. I have the results here, Rose. Would you like to see them immediately?"

"Yes, please." She gave Dimitri a look. "He can stay."

"Well. Since I have the feeling neither if you will understand if I use the medical terms, I will use the more casual ones. Rose's 'fertility genes' are more like the ones of a moroi woman, so Vasilisa must have 'healed' the infertility completely. That also makes Rose capable of having children with humans and which we already know, dhampirs. I would like to take a few more tests only to be sure of what is going on, but over all, you are free to go on…Saturday. Be nice to each other." She opened the door and was halfway out when Dimitri exclaimed:

"Will the baby be a dhampir?"

"Yes, it will." With that, she left and closed the door. I looked at Dimitri and he cleared his throat again.

"I believe you now, Roza. I am sorry I ever doubted you." He looked at me with so much emotion, but I thought about something else.

"Which day is it?" He seemed puzzled for a few moments, but answered, smiling.

"It is Thursday."

"How many weeks are left to graduation?" His smile faded.

"About six. About that, how are we going to do?"

"I don't know. I can't train properly and it will be so hard keeping this baby. I thought of leaving, but that would be so cruel to you. I can't kill it either. I want it, I want to have children with you. But it will be so hard. Just think how awkward it will be when people realize you were still my mentor. I…I-" And the crying started again. The strong woman he fell in love with must have hidden somewhere _deep_ inside me.

"Hush, Rose. We'll manage. Just take it easy." He pulled me in for a hug and stroked my back while I sobbed.

"And I can't be Lissa's guardian either…What if one of us dies in a battle? Or both? Nobody will take care of it." While I continued sobbing and telling him my fears, which lasted in at least twenty minutes, he just murmured soothing things and stroked my back. He told me how much he loved me, and how everything would be alright, as long as we were together. I got the Zen-lesson feeling after a while but I kept crying while I giggled. I could _feel_ how he smiled and he started kissing my head. After a few minutes, he kissed his way down to my neck and it tickled so much that I giggled more. We can pretend it was my…confused hormones that made _me _giggle. Not my always aching desire for him.

He kept kissing and his lips wandered up to my chin and lips. The kiss was soft and calming, yet it made me want him more than ever (at least since what happened in the cabin). Our lips were just brushing each other, but yet it was amazing.

He was now sitting beside me on the bed, one of his hands on the mattress, while the other had tangled itself in my hair. Mine were pressed against his chest, but one of them came up to caress his cheek. It was a little bit stubbly but I didn't care. It went further up to let his hair loose and I put the band around my wrist, just to be sure it didn't disappear.

It started getting rougher and our lips were not as gentle anymore. Our tongues met and they started dancing. I guess it was his way of showing me how happy he was. If he was happy, I didn't know that. Maybe he was kissing me this way because he wanted to have something to remember before he left. _But he wouldn't leave, right?_

I didn't have time to worry, as my fears disappeared when his hand went under my T-shirt to caress my hip. It stroked my lower back and I got shivers. He smiled against my lips and I found revenge in pressing my body harder against him. He groaned and the hand made its way over my stomach. I thought I felt something move, but that was impossible, at least from what I remembered from biology class.

His hand wandered upwards, and brushed over my breast. _Sweet Jesus…_ It returned to my back, but the feeling lingered and I pulled at his hair to make him come closer. It was hard since we were practically glued to each other already, but the kiss deepened somehow.

"I love you, Roza." He demonstrated with a rather passionate kiss. "You are so beautiful." More kissing. "I am so happy. We're having a baby." He kissed my neck again while I breathed loudly.

"I know, Comrade. I love you too." I let my hands travel his back while I put my lips to his again. Both of his hands were now under my shirt on my back and stomach, and I found it hard to breathe properly. I swung a leg around his waist and kissed him with as much passion I could achieve. It felt like it was _very_ hot in the room by now, though I think it actually was very cold. Our kiss consumed me and I began wondering if we would go as far as in the cabin. I knew we shouldn't do any of it, but it felt so good and I had missed him so much.

I could have stayed like that forever, but he seemed to remember where we were and that we could be busted any minute. At least if you call Olendzki a buster.

At any rate, he straitened his shirt and gave me a look that said I should do the same. I gave him his hair tie and he gave me a confused glance while putting it on

"I took it, remember?" He muttered something in Russian while I fixed my shirt and hair. I touched my stomach and looked at it, puzzled. I still couldn't believe that a living creature was forming inside of me. It felt amazing yet terrifying. I mean, I'd seen the pictures in the school books of giving birth and how big that thing was when it would come out. I felt so freaking small.

Dimitri also looked at my stomach, but his face lit up and he placed his hand on the _tiny_ thing I called a bump.

"I can't believe it. The only thing I thought you wouldn't be able to give me." He kissed me again, only short though. "There's something else I would like to talk to you about." _Holy shit. _Was he going to leave me? _No, you moron. He has kissed you __two__ times tonight. Hell, the first was adult rated._ Was he going to propose? _No, idiot!_

"And what is that?"

"I think you need to talk about your dream." He placed himself in the chair again. "You need to compress what happened, the memories will haunt you if you don't." I couldn't tell him. He would get so disgusted that he would leave me, and surely not want to have a baby with me.

"You really want to know? I don't think I can tell; it's complicated. What he did - I don't want to talk about it." I didn't want to look him in the eye. He would see that there was so much more.

"Rose, what did this 'he' do to you? Was it someone we know? Did he hurt you? You need to talk about it, it will help. Please, talk to me. I won't judge you." He put his hand on my shoulder. "Whatever he did was not your fault." Maybe I should tell him. It was better to tell him than tell Lissa. She would freak out and faint. Dimitri was fairly used to it and he hopefully wouldn't judge me._ What do you mean 'hopefully', don't you trust him? Of course I do! Shut up!_

"You want the truth, and you will get the truth." I was going to tell him. No matter how ugly it was, I wouldn't cry. The strong woman he loved would return. "A guy called Ethan knocked me out and put me into a spirit dream, as you know. He accused me for having done things that some persons didn't like and he tortured me. Although I was free at the start, we fought and he won and tied me to a chair." Dimitri raised a brow, obviously impressed.

"That must have been a well trained moroi?"

"He wasn't moroi, he was a dhampir. I suppose he must have been put into the dream while the spirit user had me captured too. I didn't see anyone else, though I heard voices once. Anyways, he cut me several times and he cut my hair off." Dimitri didn't flinch or anything, but I saw how he hurt. He lifted the hand that still rested on my shoulder and began toying with a lock of my hair. I gave him a small smile. "I didn't get any water or food, and before I woke up here, he raped me." I had a hard time saying the latter but I managed to get it out. Dimitri stiffened and the hand in my hair clenched. I looked at my sock-clad feet. He would think the baby was the raper's, he wouldn't want to have anything to do with me.

"Rose, look at me." I slowly looked up and met his eyes. There was no anger or disgust. Well, there were a little bit anger, but they were mostly filled with compassion and love. "It was not your fault. You couldn't have stopped him. I still love you."

"I could have stopped him! If I hadn't just laid there. If I had fought, more than I did."

"You said yourself that he didn't give you any water or food, you must have been too weak. It wasn't your fault, remember that."

"Why are you not angry at me? Don't you think the baby is his?" He gave me confused glance and looked at my stomach.

" said that you were two months long, not two days." He smiled. "I think your math needs to be relearned. Or maybe your hearing. No, seriously I believe you. You wouldn't lie to me about something like this." He put his hand on my cheek. "Even though you are young, you aren't so stupid. You have matured very much these months I've known you. You know so many things that older more experienced guardians don't have a clue about and you have gone through things that are cruel to know at your age. You are so strong, it amazes me every time I see it." I felt my eyes begin to water and I damned the hormones. Dimitri gave me a sympathetic smile. "Hormones I guess? I know how Karo was." He let his fingers brush over my lips again. "I think you should rest. It's late." He rose from his seat and gave me a kiss on the forehead. "We'll talk more tomorrow, okay? Good night, Roza."

"Goodnight, Dimitri. Thank you." I hadn't reacted until he was out of the door. I leaned back onto the pillows and closed my eyes. I was tired as hell, of some unknown reason. Well, it wasn't unknown, but I didn't bother right then. I fell asleep.

_I was sitting on a similar chair to the one I'd been tied to in the dream. It was a light room, but the corners were draped in shadows. I saw a bed, but I couldn't see if anyone was sleeping in it. I heard noises, baby noises, and turned to the direction of them. It was dark, but I rose and walked forward._

_I hit something, a table it seemed, and I felt onto it to see if the baby was there. It wasn't._

_Suddenly, I was lying on the table and I was paralyzed, I couldn't move. A light blended me and I saw a man walking towards me. He didn't say anything, and I couldn't see how he looked, since he had a hood._

_He lifted my shirt and I tried to protest but my mouth wouldn't make any sound. He held up a knife and put it on the skin on my abdomen. _

_The baby, he couldn't kill it! No! I felt so weak, it was my baby and I couldn't help it. Panic at first, and then, anger flooded through me like fire. It felt like the paralyzing would release me, when it went black and I was somewhere else._

_I was sitting in the chair again, this time tied. I saw the bed, but now, there were two sleeping figures in it. A big and a very tiny. I recognized the big one as Dimitri, but the small one looked like a newborn. Our newborn, I realized._

_I tried to get loose and I jerked at the ties, but it didn't work. I wanted to get to them, my family. Dimitri looked so peaceful, and the baby… It was too beautiful to be true. I realized I didn't know the gender and we didn't have any names. I couldn't think of any right then, but she/he opened its eyes and looked at me. I was lost, I wouldn't get back until I was cradling that small body in my arms and cuddling with it. To feel that soft skin. I got Goosebumps all over my body and I struggled harder to get free. The baby looked at me and I felt such longing, I had never felt anything similar. A few hours ago, I didn't even know that I wanted a baby, but now, it was all I desired. I needed it. I wanted to protect it from everything dangerous. I wanted to see Dimitri's eyes when he held it and how he would, surely, talk in Russian to it. I wanted to go through everything that made me come closer to the baby, morning sickness, giving birth. I ached to see it grow, to feed it, to hold it, to kiss it, to love it. _

_Dimitri moved a little bit, and groaned in his sleep. _

_I jerked harder and the ties loosed a little bit._

_I saw a shadow moving closer to the bed and I screamed to wake Dimitri. There was no sound. I snatched at the ties and they broke a bit more, I would soon be free._

_The shadow was now at the headboard and I saw a knife in its hand. I jerked desperately._

_The shadow put the knife on Dimitri's neck and his eyes flicked open. I saw the look of terror and realization in them and I broke out crying. _

_The shadow gave me a cruel smile and Dimitri looked at me. His eyes showed love and hope, but when the shadow cut the vein in his neck and blood gushed out, they went blank. He tried to say something in his last moments, but only blood came out._

_I cried out and a horrible pain spread through my body. I couldn't breathe. I was empty. My mind was blank. Until I remembered the child. I fought with the ties to save the baby before it was too late._

_The shadow smirked at me and moved on to the baby who had started crying, still looking at me. I saw into its eyes and tried to convey that I would soon save it. That I loved it and that I would never leave it._

_Just as I broke free, the shadow took the baby and snatched its neck. The sickening sound and the eco of the cries filled the room. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't move. I couldn't live._

_It hurt._

_My heart. _

_My lungs._

_My head. _

_My soul. _

_My stomach…_


	8. Chapter 8

**Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy or its characters, Richelle Mead does.**

**The story has got more than a thousand views, THANK YOU!**

I screamed and kicked, the pain almost killing me. My stomach and lower abdomen hurt and I felt something soak my underwear. I squeezed my eyes shut and screamed even harder.

It felt like something was on its way out of me.

"Get Olendzki! She's bleeding, a miscarriage!" A female voice yelled and that was it. I wouldn't lose our baby. I fought to keep the embryo inside of me.

Someone ripped off my underwear and bended my legs. I didn't care, as long as someone took care of the baby. Deep inside I knew that it wouldn't survive, that it was useless. That it would come out despite my fight. But I fought.

I fought while more people came into the room and they talked and touched me.

I fought while someone, Olendzki I guess, was trying to talk me through it.

I fought until I felt it slip out of me. Then I gave up and let them clean me up and leave me to sleep. The smell of blood lingered in the room and the nausea hit me.

I felt disgusted with myself.

I cried. I had lost it, the baby Dimitri and I had created. I felt empty, like a shell of someone that once was Rose Hathaway. I didn't realize until then how much I wanted the baby. Then, when it was already gone.

What would he think of me now? That I was a useless woman who couldn't even carry a baby? My subconscious knew that I was wrong, it knew that he loved me, despite everything I had done, and failed with.

It felt like I didn't have the strength to do anything, but I knew that once I was done with mourning, I would punch and kick myself out of misery. Somehow.

I dreaded to tell Dimitri, for the second time in less then twelve hours.

I fell asleep, still crying.

I woke up several times. I didn't eat anything the nurses gave me. I didn't drink any water. I just cried.

Dr Olendzki tried to talk me to my senses many times through the night. I turned my back on her and cried some more. When my tears were all gone, I laid staring at the ceiling.

I didn't feel like going anywhere, though I knew Lissa was worried to death. She did not know I was awake, she was still worried I would never wake up. I actually slipped into her head once, when she was expressing her thoughts to Christian. He looked pale, as if he hadn't slept much. I figured he must have been wake to comfort Lissa at night. And she looked like a wreck. Not her hair or makeup, but her eyes and expression. I saw her in the mirror and she thought about me. She remembered how pale and thin I was and burst into tears.

I didn't want to tell her about the baby, she would get so sad. I couldn't tell her, because then she would want to help me and heal me or whatever. She would be so sad for my sake and I didn't want that. I was the one to protect her, even though I wanted to talk to someone once in a while. Don't get me wrong, I loved her and she was my best friend, the best friend ever, but she shouldn't have to worry about me. She had enough with her own problems.

I was interrupted in my thoughts when someone knocked on the door. The person opened it without giving me time to answer and came in.

I closed my eyes and tried to look as if I was asleep. I didn't want to talk with anyone.

"Rose, are you awake?" Asked the only person on campus I did not want to see. I didn't answer. "Rose? Please, wake up." He continued talking to me until I couldn't stand it anymore.

"I don't want to talk to you, or anyone. Leave me alone."

"No, Roza. We need to talk about what happened."

"Do you know?"

"Yes, but-"

"It was my fault. I'm useless. You can't love me!" I suddenly had more tears than ever and sobbed loudly. He hugged me and I kept talking. At least as much as possible while sniffling and hulking. "I lost it. The poor baby! It was innocent and I couldn't keep it. I feel so weak. Why me? What did I do to deserve this? What did we do? I am so sorry, Dimitri. I didn't mean to."

"Rose, I am truly sorry for your sake, but I don't care. It wasn't mine."

"But you said yesterday-"

"What I said then wasn't true. I didn't have any feelings for you and both you and I know dhampirs cannot have children together." Realization hit me. He didn't love me. He had fooled me all along. But he had looked so honest and loving all those times. I was so naïve, of course he had fooled me; he was a man. A bastard like all of them. He had only wanted to get laid, nothing more. Fucking selfish idiot.

"You bastard, get off of me!" He let me go, but put his hand on my shoulder. "Don't touch me!" I hissed. He took his hand and put it in his ridiculous duster's pocket.

"Rose, I am sorry if I led you on, but there was never anything between us. You are a wonderful person, but I don't like you that way, I never did." I wanted to kick and punch and cut his balls of, I was so angry I nearly did it. But I knew that it would only give me more trouble and that wasn't what I needed right now.

I made a decision;

I would show Dimitri that I didn't care, even though I still loved him deep down somewhere. But I couldn't love a man that hurt me so much. A pig like Victor. And the man I had fallen in love with obviously wasn't real.

I would be good, for Lissa's sake.

I would not punch anyone.

I would not flirt.

I would stay out of trouble.

I would pay attention in class; I would graduate as the school's best novice ever.

Nothing would stop me. I was going through with it. No matter what.

I turned my back to the Russian idiot and he left after a few moments. I decided my time at the infirmary was over, and hopped out of the bed. I made my way to my room, to shower and change clothes. It was lunch and people looked at me suspiciously while I walked over the yard.

I went to class as usual and the teachers gave me the work I had missed and said Lissa would help me. I went to practice with Dimitri, we didn't touch if it wasn't necessary and he made me run, just like in the fall.

The next day, Alberta spoke to me and said that she wanted me to train a bit longer with Dimitri to catch up for the weeks I was out. I didn't care, as long as I could become the best, and beat the hell out of him when I had the chance. I know, it sounded egoistic to want to become the best, but I did it for Lissa. I did as Dimitri said. Not affecting her with my actions. She needed the best, especially if the strigoi was after her, as they had said they were.

She had talked to me after class the day I came back and she had wanted to see me. We had the whole day since it was Saturday and she wanted to know about my dream. Adrian also showed up, willing to know about it too. They got horrified when I told them about it. I cut the details for Lissa, she looked like she was about to vomit when I said he punched at my head, but Adrian seemed to know that I wasn't telling the whole truth. I didn't tell them about the rape either, I felt so disgusted and since Dimitri knew, that was enough.

When we were finished and they had talked through their theories, Adrian offered to walk me back to my dorm. I didn't want to since I knew he would ask me about the things I hadn't told. And he did.

"Little Dhampir, you seem upset. What did really happen?"

"I don't want to talk about it. It's nothing you have to care about anyway."

"Yes it is, dear. I want to see you happy, and now your aura is more than clouded. It's all black, with a small chink of light when Lissa's around. I know you are holding things for yourself and I know they're bad. Please tell me. You know you can trust me. And I know that you were pregnant. Where did it go? It was all-"

"Shut up! I told you I don't want to talk about it, leave me alone." I hurried to get away from him. But he followed.

"Rose, I want to help you. Why can't you see that?"

"Because I don't need help. I'm fine."

"You are not! You hurt. Hell, I would have seen it without the spirit. Even Lissa is suspicious. Christian's suspicious. It's dangerous to keep it to yourself." Why did they all say the same? Dimitri had told me the same thing and when I told him, he changed. Well, I didn't know if it was because of that, but it could have been. I didn't want to tell Adrian, I liked him too much to see him abandon me. Even though he was annoying at times, I think I loved him. Not in _the_ way, but you get what I mean. As a friend, he was amazing, when he wasn't drunk. Which he was most of the time.

"I said I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to burden you."

"Ha! Like I have anything else to do. There's nothing more important than to keep you happy." We had been walking while speaking, but now he stopped in front of me and placed his hands on my shoulders. He was slightly taller than me, which made him crouch. His eyes showed more emotion than ever and I shrugged him of, looking away. He put his hands on me again, this time on my cheeks, making me look him in the eye. "I know you might not feel the same about me, but I love you, Rose. I want to help you as much as I can." He leaned in to kiss me, but I slapped him away.

"Adrian! Stop, I don't want to talk. Whether you love me or not. Goodnight." I stamped away, tears filling my eyes, again. He stood there, having a surprised expression.

When I came to my room I sat down on the computer chair and stared stubbornly at the text in my books. After a while the tears faded away and I went to the bathroom to clean up. I came out after a while, only to realize I was late for dinner.

I found Lissa at a table, all alone for once. I sat down and started eating in silence. Lissa spoke to me after a few minutes, but what she said surprised me.

"Rose, we need to talk." Were those words following me like a bad dream or something? "More than we did before." I stared down at my food, not wanting to keep the conversation going. If it was a conversation since she was the only one who spoke.

"Hmm?" Was my only answer.

"I know there's more in the dream, Adrian told me." That bastard_. Sure_, I could trust him.

"Where's Christian? Did you get tired of him?" Even though I couldn't see her, I knew she rolled her eyes and she let out an exasperated sigh.

"Rose, I'm serious. You need to talk. I want to help you."

"What's with everyone suddenly wanting to help me? I'm fine on my own. I should help you instead. That's what I'm supposed to." I still hadn't looked at her, but now she send me messages through the bond. _Rose, stop it! I'm not having this anymore. I want to know what's wrong._ The emotions that came with were fear and anger, she was mad at me because she thought I didn't trust her. After this thing with Dimitri, she was much more suspicious and alert on what I did and said.

"Liss, I won't tell you. Can't you see that? I want to keep it to myself, I have the right to do that and I will."

"I am worried for you. Do you know how hard it is all these times when you disappear? I don't have a clue to find you and afterwards you don't want to talk to me about it. I can't check on you like you do on me, I can't save you either because I am too weak. The only thing I can do is talk, and now you won't do it. Why?"

"Because it is my private things. Only because I know what you do, doesn't mean you have to know what I do. Dhampirs are supposed to stalk moroi. We are supposed to know your every move. We must be your shadows. You don't _have_ to do anything. You don't _have_ to know what I am doing all the time."

"I thought we were best friends, best friends that shared everything."

"We are best friends, but I want my privacy."

"Maybe I don't want to be best friends with you if the only things you are going to do are lying to me and shutting me out."

"Shutting you out? I have done everything for you, Lissa. If there's someone who's shutting out, it's you."

"What are you talking about?"

"When you were all over Christian and when you fought your way back to the top of the social status, despite my un-liking and-" She went furious. The feelings overwhelmed me.

"You say I'm too much with Christian? Am I not allowed to have a love life? Just because yours has to be hidden doesn't mean the rest of us can't have fun." That was under the belt. Especially under the circumstances she _didn't_ know of.

I rose and went to trash my tray before walking back to my room. I had homework that needed to be done. She hadn't even tried to come after me. But I felt a small sip of darkness rising in her mind, despite the antidepressants, and I quickly took it. I didn't want her to cut herself, not when we were so close to graduation. She needed to keep sane until it, and hopefully after it too. I felt guilty for going crazy on her; she would feel bad for a long time because I said things that I didn't think anymore.

But the homework called, and I didn't have my helping hand with me.

**Cliffhanger ending are not one of my stronger sides but THANK YOU for reading and I wish you happiness until next time :)**

**Please review, I want your thoughts on the story ;)**


	9. Chapter 9

**Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy or its characters, Richelle Mead does.**

I didn't speak to Lissa more that weekend. I tried to, but she kept avoiding me. She closed her mind, so that I couldn't feel her. She ignored me. But occasionally she would loose up and a desperate thought would reach me. She felt so guilty, she had taken my words to her heart and she even asked Christian if he thought the same. I didn't get the answer though.

I was furious. Because I couldn't fix what I had said when I didn't mean it.

The only person I could talk to was Eddie, but he trained and didn't have time for me. So I read my homework, still wanting to become the best. Fortunately, Adrian didn't visit my dreams, as I had feared he would.

The loss of the baby still haunted me every time I closed my eyes and when I looked at Dimitri, which I avoided as much as I could. Every time I went to shower and saw the small bump, I felt so disgusted and empty that I almost vomited. I couldn't stand the sight of it. Too many memories in too short time were put into that tiny thing. I decided to make it disappear.

I went to the gym an hour before the sessions and worked life out of myself. When Dimitri pushed me to un-human edges, I only felt happiness. I ran. I ate barely anything except carbohydrates to get as much energy as possible.

The colour in my skin decreased and even Stan Alto noticed my changing. Although he thought it was for the good and encouraged me for the first time.

I catched Lissa four days after our fight, not wanting to keep seeing her sad and angry. It was the end of the break between the two last classes and we were sitting beside each other, waiting for the teacher. I saw her staring at the wall in the front and I decided to talk to her.

"Hey, Lissa. Could you help me with the homework after class? I don't understand a thing and that math is killing me." She sighed and turned to look at me.

"Sure. See you in the library." And then she turned to face the teacher who had come in. _God bless her always helping heart!_ I smiled to myself and listened to the talk about art.

I waited for her afterwards and she joined me reluctantly. We were quiet while walking and she kept looking at her shoes. We sat down and put our books on the table.

"Okay, Liss. Even though I suck at math, there is something else I want to talk about." She gave me a look that said 'go on'. "I am sorry for what I said. I didn't mean it; I don't think you're shutting me out. I was just upset and back then I was kind of confused about what I wanted and such. I still love you, you're my best friend. I don't care about what you said, it is not important. I just want to say that I'm sorry." _Good work, Rose. Cheesy is always good!_ Lissa studied me closely while I waited for her answer.

"I am not really mad at you, Rose. But I want to know what happened that is so terrible that you can't even talk to me about it. I'm sure you talked to Guardian Belikov, but I want you to trust me." It was now or never. I told her.

"I haven't talked to him, we broke up." She lifted her brows and gave me a compassionate look. I motioned for her to lean in and she did. "You know that we had sex, and I...became pregnant." She gasped and looked terrified. _Wait until you hear the real problem…_

"Come on, we can't talk about this here. Let's go to your room." She dragged me away to my room, bringing the books. While we walked, she whispered in my ear:

"I thought you loved him? Why did you do it? And why were you so stupid that you didn't use protection?" Some novices, guys, a year under us walked past and they must have heard what she said, because they wiggled their brows and wolf-whistled. I showed them my middle finger and hurried my steps.  
When we finally arrived, Lissa was out of breath and the matron gave us a confused look. I gave her my most innocent smile and we continued our walking. I slammed the door open and Lissa went to sit on my bed. I sat down beside her and she placed her arm over my shoulder.

"What happened?"

"I became pregnant and I told him. It was his, and he believed me. The next day, he didn't think it was his anymore." I was feeling weird just telling her that and I couldn't imagine how it would feel when I told her the rest. "The dream I had was much more than I told you before. He…raped me." Once again it was hard to say that word. It hurt so much and by her reaction, she was horrified.

"He did that? Oh my god, I'm so sorry, Rose." She hugged me and the tears that had been treating to come out for the last minutes were finally breaking loose. I hugged her back and clung to her like she was the only cliff in a big rushing rapid. "I don't know what to say, I am sorry."

"It's fine. At least I didn't feel it; he knocked me out before he did it." I ended up telling her everything about the dream and she just sat there, stroking my back. When I had finished she thought for a while and then said;

"If he knocked you out and told you that he didn't want it; that he would not enjoy it, how are you so sure he did? I mean, if you woke up here afterwards and couldn't feel the pain." _What?_

"He's a man, Liss. He would have enjoyed it even if he thought I was the ugliest person walking this earth. And even though he said that he didn't _want_ to do it, he did it because he wanted to see me suffer." She looked at me.

"Well, that's bad. I am so sorry for you, Rose." Even though she had said many times, it was the only thing that could calm me. "He can't be the father, right? Since it was a dream, it is impossible."

"Yes, I know that, Liss."

"But, how did you become pregnant with Dimitri?" Here we go.

"Dr. Olendzki says my genes changed when you healed me and that it makes it possible for me to become pregnant with both human and dhampirs. The thing is…" I couldn't tell her. She would be so shocked, worse than I had been. How that was possible. I should tell her. It was my duty. I had promised myself to keep her safe and if that included telling her everything, I would. Especially since she'd said that she didn't want me to be friends with her if I lied.

"What's wrong, Rose? Is the baby okay?" She hadn't noticed when I spoke in preterit and I thought she was the smart one.

"No, it isn't okay. I lost it the night after I told Dimitri. I had another dream and it caused the miscarriage." Lissa didn't say anything, she just hugged me harder and let me cry. I told her about that dream too, and I told her what Dimitri had said afterwards.

"He was so changed. Not on the outside, but his voice was so hard. Well, it wasn't changed really; it was what he said that made the difference. He acted like he used to, except for the words. He said that it was all a game, that there was never anything between us." It took more time than I expected to tell her. But since I cried through most of it, it wasn't really unexpected. We spent the rest of the afternoon until dinner doing the homework, although not much of the talk was about math. At dinner we sat down at Christian's table and afterwards when they went to feed, I went to change for practice.

Dimitri had decided to spar with me. After stretching and the godforsaken running, we positioned ourselves opposite each other. He made the first blow but I managed to block him while spinning out with my leg to hit his shoulder. He grabbed my foot and threw me on the mat. I shoot up quickly but he had me pinned before I had seen him move. We wrestled for a while; me keeping him from 'staking' me and he simply trying to do just that. I must have gotten strength from talking with Lissa somehow, because when I saw his eyes, I rolled us over so I was on top. I couldn't have done that usually, that was one thing I knew and I used the newfound power to hit him and place my hand over his heart. If there was a heart. Most likely not. I had paused before really touching him and he pushed me off of him and I landed on the mat two metres away. He rose and I did the same, not wanting him to have an advantage over me. I punched him fast and he hit me in the stomach.

_What the hell?_ Didn't he have any mercy? Even though he didn't believe me, he didn't have to hit the place where the poor baby had been. A rage formed inside me and all I saw was the motherfucker that hurt me so much. I kicked and punched him without control, but as always, he blocked them. It seemed like he would win and I started to change my tactic. I tried to anticipate him and use his weak spots against him. It worked. I got more hits than before and he didn't hit me as much. We fought and fought and fought, not wanting to let the other win. But of course, destiny had a plan for me.

He caught my wrist and dragged me close to him. I tried to get loose but that only caused our faces to come closer. I smelled his aftershave and the memories came crashing over me. He had been so kind, so caring, so loving. It was terrible to know that it had just been a mask, a disguise. All the times he'd kissed me and touched me. It had felt so real. Like he had really wanted me. Well, I knew that he'd wanted me, but it had looked like he had wanted me for me, not because of my body. The emotions in his eyes and his touch. They had been so honest, so amazing. He couldn't have pretended. That was impossible. All the things he had said. All his promises, they could not have been pretended. They were sincere. I had seen how he'd looked at me. How happy he had looked when I told him about the baby. The effort he put in our kisses. How gentle he'd been in the cabin. How he'd done those small things for me. How he'd had talked to me. How he had helped me. How he had made me feel things I didn't know existed. How he'd told me he loved me. But it had all been a mask. An act. He couldn't have any emotions if he used me this way. He was a monster. A fucking pig. A man like all the others. Nothing more than his father. It was good that the baby had died. The mix of us must have ended up like a mess anyways. It would have been a monster too. But I knew that wasn't true. The baby would have been amazing, despite Dimitri. I felt horrible for thinking that. It was innocent, and I was useless. Dimitri was a bastard but when I looked into his eyes, I saw the emotions I knew he didn't have. There was love and longing. A sadness that I could not place. He didn't have emotions, he could show that. He was just pretending again. I tried to look away, but he caught my chin and held me o, so gentle. I leaned into the touch, forgetting about lies and hatred, and he sighed satisfied. His fingers stroked my cheek and a hand was placed on my waist. I closed my eyes and I felt his breath on my lips.

"Roza…" He mumbled, and the spell over me was broken. I stepped away from him, shot a glance at the clock and ran out of the room.

_Fucking traitor!_

**I know this didn't give many answers, but they will not come until later on. I've decided to update when I have finished a chapter, so they won't be as regular anymore. A week between each as most. **

**Thank you for reading and reviewing! Please leave me your thoughts and have a good day or sleep! :D**


	10. Chapter 10

**Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy or its characters, Richelle Mead does.**

**Enjoy!**

It was graduation and I'd just passed the tests. Lissa, Christian and Tasha were cheering and even my mother was here. I'd gotten the best results in my class and I got Lissa as my charge. You would think it was Dimitri who would be my partner now, but he'd taken Tasha's offer and I was having the amazing Eddie Castile as companion. Everything was amazing, except that I couldn't look my mentor in the eyes and I avoided Adrian whenever I saw him. Dimitri was standing against the wall, a small smile on his lips, but I pretended to not notice him. Adrian was sitting near Sparky and he was also cheering while my mother gave him a murderous glare. She was also glaring at Dimitri every once in a while since I hadn't told her about anything. I smiled when Alberta congratulated me and walked off the stage.

We were leaving for court the day after tomorrow so we should be packing, but we were having a party. Since I hadn't allowed Lissa to have a party at my birthday, she had planned this for at least three weeks. She'd bought me a dress and she had insisted on putting us two in a room for four hours to make each other's makeup and hair. It was really fun and we talked about all the memories we had. The dress was beautiful and I was almost waiting to show Dimitri, until I remembered that he was not my man anymore. I actually nearly felt sympathetic with Tasha, but she should know what she was doing. She was smart and would surely kick his ass if he tried anything.

I finished Lissa's makeup and we went to Adrian's room which he had insisted on letting Lissa use. My mother, Tasha, Christian and of course, Adrian was already there and they were drinking _something_. I suspected it to be alcohol, but it was just plain punch. Lissa and I exchanged gifts and we got from mom and Tasha too. What Lissa got from Christian was a mystery, but I was not sure I wanted to know it either.

After some time, my mother asked if she could talk with me for a few minutes. Since I was both curious and a bit scared, I said yes. We walked over to Adrian's kitchenette and I leaned against the counter.

"Rose, I am proud of you. I didn't think you would make it." _Bitch. _"Although you have great potential."

"Thanks to Dimitri. He made me realize what I needed to do."

"That's good, at least he did part of his work. Where is he? I thought he and you would be making out at this point. I'm surprised you didn't jump him on the stage. I figured you would say goodbye before he leaves with Natasha." It was time to tell the truth.

"Well… We broke up a few weeks ago."

"I don't know if I should be relieved or sad for you sake." She studied me closely. "You look like you've gotten thinner. Actually, you don't seem to be healthy at all. What is wrong?" I wouldn't tell her. She would abandon me and castrate me and I don't know what. "Rose, tell me. Is it the baby?" _The heck?_ How did she know that? The poker mask I had put on was long gone and I felt shock place itself on my face. I knew it was useless, but I tried to keep cool and asked;

"What baby are you talking about? I don't know any, are you pregnant?"_ That_ was risky. And idiotic. She became red and spit with rage;

"No, Rosemarie, you know what I am talking about. Dr Olendzki contacted me when it happened and I had dire problems to not fly here and have a talk with you. My charge let me meet you now because he would see his niece, or nephew. But that's irrelevant. Why were you so stupid? Haven't you heard of protection?"

"It was not my fault! Besides, who are you to talk about protection? Since the father was a dhampir, none of us thought it was possible-" She didn't acknowledge what I said about her, she interrupted me instead.

"It isn't! How did you managed to fool that boy, and Olendzki? Please don't tell me it was Belikov you fooled, he must have had enough problems with you already."

"It was Dimitri's, but he didn't believe me after the miscarriage." I told her what Olendzki had said about my genes and she seemed to believe me.

"But, Rose… I understand if it's hard for you after this miscarriage, but you have to think of Vasilisa. Even though you pratice, you will get worse after another month. You need to eat and keep yourself healthy."

"I know, but I want the bump to disappear. It disgusts me." She seemed thoughtful and she closed her eyes for a few moments.

"To be honest, I was disgusted by my bump too at the beginning. No offense to you, I didn't know you and I was still shocked, but it was un-nice to know that _something_ I didn't have control over was growing inside me and that I would have to take care of it. I was so concentrated at guarding that it was hard to let myself love anything, except Ibrahim, but even that was difficult. I think this was for the best, even though it hurts. You have to think of the princess, if she wants you as her guardian, you can't be away with a child. You need to protect her. There's other ways to make it go away. Without causing you damage on the way. Please, Rose. None of us want to see you like this. Although I've never acted like it, I love you. I'm very proud of you. Now, go talk with your friends. I have got to check on my charge. Goodnight." She gave me a quick hug and slipped out of the door.

I was shocked to say the least. I was glad that she'd finally told me things about herself, but in that way and that fast. Holy shit. My brain had serious problems to take it all. That she had felt disgusted with baby-me was not really unexpected. But that she would tell me was a whole other thing. And that she'd loved my father… Well, she would not probably have sex with him without any kind of protection if she didn't have stronger feelings for him. Another important thing was that his name was Ibrahim, good to know. That she would tell me to think of Lissa was not unexpected either and that she thought the miscarriage was for the best. It wasn't. Even though Dimitri was a jerk, the baby would have been perfect. I just knew that. But that she would tell me she loved me. I knew she must have, but I didn't think she would say it to me.

I walked back to the others and listened to a conversation between Adrian and Christian about women and how they scream. I had no idea why they were talking about such a thing, but they seemed to be on the drunken side so I didn't blame them. I left them to find Lissa.

I was just about to walk past a corner but stopped when I heard Tasha's voice. I hid behind a big, dead flower and pricked up my ears. She was talking on the phone, I figured and she was talking quite hushed, as if not wanting anyone to hear. I knew I shouldn't spy on her, but I was curious. I only heard parts of what she said and I didn't understand a thing.

"…mother here… lecture… no… of course…" There was a long wait, probably when the person on the other end spoke. I shifted behind the plant and was finished just enough to hear her talking again. "wait… nothing… yes he's… no, babe… for you… you too… soon… day after tomorrow… revenge… bitch… see you soon."

With that she ended the call and started walking towards me. I scanned the area after a door and found one right behind me. I opened it and slipped in. It was the bathroom, fortunately, but what was there surprised me.

Lissa was leaning over the toilet, puking her guts out. The room smelt of vomit, alcohol and Adrian's cologne, and nausea hit me. I was confused I hadn't felt how she was through the bond, she looked like wreck and that usually wasn't unnoticed by me. But then the emotions came over me like a gigantic wave.

I rushed over to her and held back her hair while she vomited a little more.

"Liss, what happened? You alright?" Once again, that stupid question. Why do you ask a person you can _see_ is not okay if they're alright? The first thing you ask a person who has been hit by a train would probably be 'Are you okay?' The 'human' race is indeed stupid. Soon we will probably kill ourselves too.

Lissa finished and looked at me. Her eyes were red and filled with tears and there were mascara stripes on her cheeks. She used the bond to ask me what it looked like and rose to clean her face. I gave her a glass of water and sat down on the edge of the tub.

"Seriously, Lissa. What happened? Did you drink too much?" Her newly cleaned eyes filled with tears again.

"I don't know, Rose. I… I think… I think I'm… pregnant." She palmed her face and sat down on the now closed toilet. I gaped, my brain having another information overload. _No, not possible. She can't be, no she can't. Impossible._ Then I remembered that she probably waited for my reaction and kept my composure.

"Are you sure? I thought the sickness were in the morning." I crouched beside her and stroked her back. "It will be okay. Christian's not that bad."

"But I want to go to Lehigh. I can't have a baby. What if I loose it? I don't want that to happen, it would be terrible for you." That showed just how much of a good person she truly was. She didn't think of that it would be horrible for her to loose it, she though of me. And I needed to be just as good.

"What if it's just the drinks? Or something you ate? Don't you think it's best to be sure before you freak out?" It felt really weird to be the reasonable one. It was she who used t calm me when I was drunk, because she certainly was right then. She sobbed and took a piece of toilet paper to blow her nose.

"It could be. I drank pretty much, I mean. Not of the punch, but of the vodka Adrian had under the table. It was nice… And that liver was gross…" She shuddered and I remembered the liver I ate on the ski-resort.

"See, it could be any of that. You're not pregnant." I was sure I had assured her when she seemed to remember something and started crying again.

"B-b- but, Rose. We did it without a condom. I am so stupid. I will never have a future. Christian's going to hate me." She sobbed and threw her arms around my neck. I patted her back and tried to think of something soothing.

"It was his fault too. He won't blame you. He loves you, Liss. It will be okay. Do you want me to get a test? I can do that tomorrow." She leaned back to look at me and smiled.

"Thanks, Rose. You're the best." I smiled back at her and told her to get up so she could wash her face, again.

When she was ready, we left the room and went back to the boys and Tasha.

Christian immediately noticed something was up with Lissa and went to hug her. I was happy to let him take care of her for a while, not that I didn't like it, but it was hard to take care of a supposed pregnancy when I knew I had lost my own. I guess I was jealous in some way.

Adrian was really drunk by now and wouldn't be able to talk about anything useful so I searched for Tasha but she wasn't there. I asked Adrian, even though it was hard to know what he said.

"She… said 'bout Dimka waiting. She was… tired. Not wanna party." He gave me a smirk. "You wanna p-party? I'm gooood at that." He put a hand on his crotch and winked, I had a hard time to keep myself from falling to the floor laughing. Then I registered what he'd said. _She said 'bout Dimka waiting._ Tasha was going to Dimitri, and they were sharing a room. Not that it wasn't expected, but it still made me jealous. Dimitri _had been_ my man and I was still somehow kind of possessive. I knew I didn't have anything to do about their doings, so I decided I had partied enough for one night and I went to talk with Lissa.

She was sitting with Christian on the couch and he was trying to get something out of her, only to get sobs as answer. I walked up to them and told Sparky to get away from us. He resisted until I told him that it was girl-business, then he quickly left while mumbling about PMS.

"Hey, I heard that!" He turned around and smirked.

"Sorry, Rosie. I understand if you are good friends, you're together all the time." I didn't care about him and sat down beside Lissa instead. Her face was red again and she looked somehow even more devastated.

"I think you should go to bed, Liss. I promise I will get a test tomorrow. Let's go." I dragged her to Adrian to say goodbye and then to Christian to tell him the same. She leaned on me while we walked over the yard to the moroi dorms. When we were in her room, I helped her clean her face once again, took off her dress and then tucked her in the bed.

"I will be here when you wake tomorrow, now sleep."

"I don't want to. What if I get dreams like you did?" I sat down and stroked her hair. I didn't want her to think that it would happen. It was unlikely, but not impossible and I knew I couldn't protect her from it.

"You won't, I promise." I darkened the room and left her. She was already asleep.

I walked over to my own room without seeing anyone and slipped out of my clothes. I wrote a note to remember the pregnancy test the next morning and put it on the bedside table.

I hadn't made the bed that morning and the sheets were cool and nice. I snuggled down between them and tried to fall asleep. It was hard and I kept struggling and moving to find that perfect position, but after about an hour, my eyelids closed and they didn't open again until the next morning.

**The moment I** woke up I thought of the test. I hurried to the shower and let the water wake me.

Today would mostly be packing and cleaning and that would probably take a lot of my time. But I had a feeling I would have to clean Lissa's place too if she was too much hungover.

I stepped out the shower and clothed myself while looking at the clock. It was early and nobody would be at the clinic.

I stepped out into the sunset and waked over to the clinic where I found Dr Olendzki studying a notepad. I asked her for a test and she gave me one without saying anything.

I went to Lissa's room and slipped into the darkness. She was still asleep and I decided to help her start packing.

I found her bags and put her non-study books and stuff in there. The schoolbooks had to be returned today since the next class would have them and I was surprised she hadn't already left them. She used to do things a long time before necessary.

When I became bored with that, I thought I would put some of her shoes in the bags instead. I didn't get how she could have so many shoes; she had none when we came back. I only owned four pairs and one of them were the pair from Portland.

She awoke when I had been cleaning for a while and the first thing she said was:

"Rose!" I walked over to her and told her I was there. She hugged me hard and I hugged back. "My head hurts. Could you give me a killer?" I was so used to her bathroom by now that I knew they were in the cabinet on the second shelf. I put the box on the counter to remember it later on.

I poured her a glass of water and put a pill in there. She drank it and thanked me.

"Why did I drink so much? I knew it would hurt… I am stupid. Why are you here anyway?" _Great_. She didn't remember what had happened.

"Well, Liss. You kind of broke down yesterday on our graduation party. You thought you were pregnant and that's why I brought a test." Realization filled her eyes and she hugged me again.

"Thank you. What if it's true? Could you check for me?"

"Sure, I will." We went to the bathroom and I gave her the test. I waited outside while she peed and when she came out we sat down on her bed.

"Now we will just have to wait three minutes." I stated and we watched the clock tick away. She bit on her golden nails and I drummed my fingers against my thigh. When the minutes had passed I rose and went to look at the test.

It was negative.

I gave a relieved sigh and she came in to look at it.

"Oh my god! I love you, Rose!" She threw her arms around my neck and squealed.

"It wasn't me. It was the test."

"I know, but you brought it here. I would never have managed to do that. What if someone had seen me? Did someone see you? Holy- It must have been terrible to ask Olendzki for one, are you okay?"

"Yes, I am. She didn't say anything; she just looked at me without any emotion."

"Doctors are scary. Did you clean in here?"

We spent the rest of the day cleaning and walking around the school. It was nice and I teared up a bit when I realized I would probably never see this place again. All the memories and happenings. Especially those of Mason. At the end, both of us cried and Christian became terrified when he saw us.

I was about to go to bed when there was a knock on the door. I had packed almost all my clothes and was just dressed in an oversized T-shirt. I thought of wrapping something around my legs, but figured it was someone I knew and let it be.

I opened the door and there was an unexpected person with a troubled expression.

**I know the graduation wasn't as in the books, but I don't have them to check with.**

**Something a few of you wonder about is why Dimitri is so cruel. I can't tell you why, but I can tell you it's not his fault. He is innocent.**

**Did anyone see the new graphic from the movie, the THEY SUCK AT PERSONAL SPACE one? I was fangirling so hard when I saw it.**

**Review and have it awesome the rest of your day!**


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: I do not own Vampire Academy or its characters, Richelle Mead does. **

Do I have to say that the unexpected person was Dimitri? I didn't think so. Because it was he and he wore, as aforementioned, a troubled expression.

"Belikov, what are you doing here?" I couldn't think of anything to say, so I said what anyone would say when your ex appears at your door. He looked at me confused and opened his mouth to say something. I then noticed he was out of breath, as if he had run. "Is Lissa okay?" I turned around to find a pair of pants, remembering what I wore.

"Yes, the princess's alright. I… came here to… talk… to you. Do you… mind if I… come in?" His way of talking was really weird, as if he didn't know what to say. What was allowed to say.

"No, come in." I stepped aside and he walked in, cautious and tense. I found my pyjama pants and quickly put them on. He looked away and cleared his throat. "What do you want to talk about?"

"Rose, you have to… keep away from…" He closed his eyes and massaged his temple. I studied him and waited. "She will… court… something about court… and a liquid. Keep away from her. She's dangerous." He grabbed my shoulders and looked into my eyes, his own filled with fear. "You have to hide, Roza."

"Who is dangerous? What am I going to keep away from? Who is her?" He gave me a desperate look.

"She, of course. Hide, and don't talk to her. Keep the princess away. She will make you suffer." The desperateness had increased, but his eyes seemed to glaze. "She's coming for you. Please, Rose, hide!"

"But who am I hiding from?" By then, his eyes were fully glazed and he rose to his full length.

"I have to go, Miss Hathaway." He turned around and opened the door. I stood there, wondering what had happened. But then something snapped inside.

"Sure! Go back and get it on with Tasha, she's more than willing!" He turned around again and his eyes showed anger. I took a step back, waiting for his response.

"Rose, I don't… I don't…" His eyes were normal again; no glaze and that brown colour that amazed me. "I don't want her. I-"

"Then why are you with her?"

"I don't know."

"How can you not know that?"

"I don't know, okay?"

"What do you know then?"

"That I love you." _It isn't true, he's playing, take it easy, Rose._

"You don't! You wouldn't have-"

"Don't tell me what I'm feeling!" And, as if he knew what I was thinking. "I did what I did because… I don't know. I don't know what happened." His eyes showed real sadness and love and I had to fight to keep my attitude.

"Then make sure you know next time you get someone pregnant."

"That won't happen. I only want children with you, Roza."

"Well, you have missed that opportunity." I pushed him to the door. "Goodnight, Guardian Belikov." He left and I was standing staring at my door, waiting for him to come back and throw me in his arms. I knew it wouldn't happen, but my traitorous heart longed for him. I started thinking of what he had said to keep me from running out the door to beat the crap out of something.

He had told me to hide, but not who was dangerous. I knew it was a she, but there were many females who didn't like me. And the way he had talked made me think there was something fishy about it.

I made a mental list of women enemies while going to bed.

- The Queen. She thought I was in her way from getting Adrian and Lissa together and we were not on friendly basis after our last meeting either.

- Tasha. But if it was she, why would Dimitri warn me about her? He would want to keep her safe and we were friends. She always acted nice to me and she was really interesting to talk to. And she wasn't that desperate to get Dimitri. I wondered if she knew what he had said to me.

- A girl who was in love with Adrian. Since everybody thought we were a thing and there were _many_ girls who wanted him, that was highly possible. But how in heaven did Dimitri find out about that?

- Several more that I couldn't think of at the moment, but there were a lot of them.

What did he say about court? This 'she' was going to do something related with court and I had to keep Lissa away from it.

My ramblings didn't make anything less difficult, but it was important to at least think through it. I fell asleep and woke up the next morning remembering that I had more to pack.

I hurried to shower and then quickly packed my clothes and other stuff, leaving my bags at the door. I walked into the cafeteria and found Lissa, Christian and Eddie at a table. We shared our memories for the last time in that room and then went to fetch our luggage. We decided to meet at the parking area after half an hour when we would meet Tasha and Dimitri who had decided to follow us to court. I was really curious to see Dimitri, to see how he and Tasha interacted. It was gross to see them hug and kiss, but I wanted to see if it had changed.

I got my bags and sat on the bed to memorize all the good things that had happened in there. It was saddening to know that I wouldn't see this room ever again.

I left the room and gave the key to the matron. She looked relieved when she realized I wouldn't come back.

The car drove away into the woods and I shot a last glance at the academy. I was seated in the middle with Lissa and Eddie was in the back with Christian and Tasha. Dimitri sat in the front with the guard that would drive the car back. They were talking about something I didn't care about and Lissa had fallen asleep. Probably because of her night-activities with Sparky in the attic.

I had woken up in the middle of the night when they were kissing each other more than enough for my part. (No clothes included) According to Lissa, they wanted to savour the last night at the academy with their love that they had found there. I didn't know if it was romantic or corny, but they were more than happy so I guess I shouldn't judge.

The plane took of and I decided to get some sleep myself, but of course that didn't work. Everybody was asleep, except for me, and Eddie. I was opposite to him and he was not so discretely humming along to a song in his earphones I thought I recognized. I remembered a great guitar solo somewhere in the song though, and Eddie seemed to like it too, because he started playing air guitar. It was hard not to laugh out loud, but I managed to keep myself in check.

Christian, who was sitting beside the troubadour, woke up and was just about to say something when he saw Eddie. The first moment, he looked only surprised, but then his expression changed to pure laugh-longing.

I winked at him and yawned so high that Eddie must have heard it, but apparently not. He played even more intense and started to sing along the lyrics with a clearly bad voice. It was lyrics about a boy who loved a girl, as usual, and while the chorus, Dimitri walked by. I guess I was wrong when I said everyone was asleep.

He must have been on his way to the bathroom, but when he heard Eddie, he stopped. The chorus was a very passionate love declaration, no children allowed, and while Eddie shouted something about _making love to you every time I meet your gaze and every time we fly together up in space_, Dimitri gave him a confused, and terrified, glance and kept going.

Christian started laughing and it caused the end of the one man concert. I glared at him before applauding Eddie. He started blushing and put his cap over his eyes.

Lissa awoke when Sparky laughed a little bit too high and he changed seat with me to make up for it. They cuddled for a while until they both fell asleep in each others arms. I looked through the window and studied the clouds, thinking about how Dimitri and I would have been now if we were still together. Maybe we had cuddled like Lissa and Christian, or maybe we had just held each other's hands. Maybe I would have fallen asleep on his shoulder and he would have put his duster over me. I glanced at his seat a few rows in front of me on the other side of the plane. He was reading. A strand of hair had fallen out of the pony-tail and he tugged it back without looking at it. I looked out the window again. I remembered how his palm felt on my cheek, and how his lips felt. I closed my eyes and imagined how he would put his arm around me and stroke my arm soothingly while I rested my head on his chest and he kissed my forehead and whispered _I love you_. I would whisper back and tilt my head up so he could kiss me. He would stop quite soon, but he would promise me to continue later. Then I remembered that he was not mine and that he would never be again. I didn't want him to, even though I longed for his loving words and touch. I sighed and changed in my seat. I leaned back and closed my eyes again, thinking of everything except a certain Russian. After a while, I fell asleep.

**Lissa woke me** when we arrived and we left to get our rooms at guest housing. Since she probably would attend Lehigh in a few months, she didn't think it was necessary to get an apartment yet.

We would eat with Christian that evening and we were meeting at a restaurant since he didn't have time to get any ingredients to cook himself.

Eddie came and followed us to the restaurant and somehow he'd gotten a guardian attire. I asked him about it, but he said a Guardian had given him it when he was in his room. I wondered why I hadn't gotten one, but shrugged it of, thinking it was hard to know how many new Guardian came everyday.

We ate, talked and had fun, and the food was delicious. We walked back to our rooms and I found it hard to fall asleep. The sheets were creased and the pillow hard. I struggled for a while but then I gave up and laid down on the floor. I was not really tired, but I knew I would have lots to do the next day so I forced myself to sleep.

I woke up when someone knocked on the door and yelled _Miss Hathaway, open the door!_

_I am a Guardian, you know._ I thought, clothed myself and opened.

Outside were two Guardians with angry faces.

"Miss Hathaway, You're under prosecution of abusing a moroi and exposing another Guardian for a love-drug. You will be put in custody until further orders." _The hell was going on? _What had I done? I hadn't abused a moroi, and certainly not exposed anyone for drugs.

I was so stunned that I didn't fight the Guards when they put handcuffs on me and led me away to the dudgeons.

**I know it's much like the books, but they were so awesome that it's hard not to. And I know it was a short chap, but I wanted to publish something since I don't know how much I will update now when Christmas is coming. I want to read much and I will have to be more social : (**

**Thanks to those who reviewed positive on the last chap and to the guests that reviewed: **

**Stand for your opinion and leave a name, jävla fegisar. **

**THANK YOU FOR READING AND HAVE A GOOD TIME UNTIL NEXT CHAP!**

**PS: This is a Romitri story, it will just take a while ;) **


	12. Chapter 12- AN

**A/N**

**I am sorry I haven't updated in several weeks (and that I put an A/N here), but I've read a lot (I got Bloodlines) and there have been many celebrations with family and such. **

**Since I realized many parts of this story are quite bad and I want to re-write them, I will re-write the whole story. To get it to make sense and fit, I will not post until I've finished the whole story. I am sorry, but it will probably take a while.**

**I figured someone must care, so I want to know if you want me to keep this 'original' on the site and use it to put Dimitri POVs, out-takes and such on. Or, do you want me to delete it and just have the new story? **

**Please review and tell me what you think!**

**Thanks to all the people who've followed and review, it's nice to know someone likes this! : )**

**/hiseask17**


	13. Chapter 13-Another AN

**I'm sorry, it's another A/N :(  
However, I realized I had forgotten to say a few things.  
The original plot will be kept; I mean that's the whole point with the story.**

**And another thing, could you please tell me which parts you found good, bad, funny, cute, sappy, I don't know? Which parts you want me to keep and which parts you want me to change, and how and why?  
Were there any characters you found weird acting? What did you think about the dialogue? The chemistry between the characters? The kissing? The plot over all?  
I **_**really**_** appreciate answers. THANK YOU!  
And I have to say, it's going to take several months for the story to be completed. I have my most important semester in school and there will be tons of tests and homework. I am sure that I will publish before July, though.  
Again, THANK YOU, for everything!**


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